The last two years of my life are beginning to blur together in my
memory. Sleepless nights, piles of laundry, barking dogs, screaming
children, and needs everywhere demanding my time, all fill my vision.
These are the beautiful marks of motherhood. And I truly believe they
are beautiful, mainly because there was a time when I was not sure I
would ever get the privilege of being a mother to living, breathing,
children.
It is easy to get lost in the needs.
"Mommy, I need more water."
"Selah needs a diaper change."
"I need you to play with me."
"This bill needs to be paid."
"The laundry needs to be done."
Needs
have been growing inside of me too. I am more than just someone who
meets needs. Motherhood has allowed me to be stretched, literally and
figuratively, far. I have seen growth in myself that makes me smile and
cringe. I was never aware of how selfish I was until the night I
brought my son home from the hospital. The gravity of my responsibility
to him descended on me like the weight of the moon with every helpless
cry that rang out of his perfectly formed and functioning lungs. He
needed me. There's that word again, need.
Sometimes I
have felt lost in Motherhood. Days that have stretched so long, all I
care to do is crawl into bed and pray the children let me sleep for a
few hours on end. I feel my spirit coming up for air. I am more than
just a need-meeter. I was created for more. My Father assures me of
this. Though I never want to diminish the sacredness of the calling of
Motherhood, He reassures me that He has more. My heart has been
awakening to the knowledge that my Father not only wants to meet my
needs but He wants to dream dreams with me and walk them out along-side
me. He is more than a care-taker who hears my requests and grants them;
infact, that is never what He was meant to be to me. He wants a
relationship that grows as I do. I have felt Him calling me to dream
with Him. To believe, that there is more for me and that we can do that
together. Who is this King of glory? Who is this God who loves me so
much to come along-side me and allow me to be fully seen and known?
This
blog has been born out of a need for an outlet. God has told me to
write, so I am writing. Many times I have wanted to write but fear of
mediocrity has stopped me. No more. I am stepping out and dreaming with
Jesus who loves me more than I'll ever understand. I pray that you open
your heart and start asking God what dreams are locked inside of you
that need to come out and be dreamed with Him.
I Corinthians 2:9
9 But, as it is written,
“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him”
