Stepping Out

The last two years of my life are beginning to blur together in my memory. Sleepless nights, piles of laundry, barking dogs, screaming children, and needs everywhere demanding my time, all fill my vision. These are the beautiful marks of motherhood. And I truly believe they are beautiful, mainly because there was a time when I was not sure I would ever get the privilege of being a mother to living, breathing, children.

It is easy to get lost in the needs.
 "Mommy, I need more water."
 "Selah needs a diaper change."
 "I need you to play with me."
 "This bill needs to be paid."
 "The laundry needs to be done."

Needs have been growing inside of me too. I am more than just someone who meets needs. Motherhood has allowed me to be stretched, literally and figuratively, far.  I have seen growth in myself that makes me smile and cringe. I was never aware of how selfish I was until the night I brought my son home from the hospital. The gravity of my responsibility to him descended on me like the weight of the moon with every helpless cry that rang out of his perfectly formed and functioning lungs. He needed me. There's that word again, need.

Sometimes I have felt lost in Motherhood. Days that have stretched so long, all I care to do is crawl into bed and pray the children let me sleep for a few hours on end. I feel my spirit coming up for air. I am more than just a need-meeter. I was created for more. My Father assures me of this. Though I never want to diminish the sacredness of the calling of Motherhood, He reassures me that He has more. My heart has been awakening to the knowledge that my Father not only wants to meet my needs but He wants to dream dreams with me and walk them out along-side me. He is more than a care-taker who hears my requests and grants them; infact, that is never what He was meant to be to me. He wants a relationship that grows as I do. I have felt Him calling me to dream with Him. To believe, that there is more for me and that we can do that together. Who is this King of glory? Who is this God who loves me so much to come along-side me and allow me to be fully seen and known?

This blog has been born out of a need for an outlet. God has told me to write, so I am writing. Many times I have wanted to write but fear of mediocrity has stopped me. No more. I am stepping out and dreaming with Jesus who loves me more than I'll ever understand. I pray that you open your heart and start asking God what dreams are locked inside of you that need to come out and be dreamed with Him.

I Corinthians 2:9
⁹ But, as it is written,
“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard,
    nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him”